The Worthiness Project

A few years ago I was struggling deeply with my self worth. I didn’t feel worthy of anything good, unless I had fought a struggled and really pushed myself towards whatever it was. There was never a “good enough,” there was only perfect or unworthy. And of course, there is no perfect…

So you can imagine where I spent my days.

Miserable. Hating myself. Self loathing, always punishing myself for not being good enough.

This was right around the time that I started my journey (the one that has brought me here today!). I started to learn that that feeling of unworthiness was a product of the thoughts I was having, and the thoughts I was having were a compilation of things other people had told me or I had heard or (mis)interpreted from others over the years.

They were the voices of my abusive ex, the man who assaulted me, the general “they” of society and the pressures of social media. And I was continuing to give my power to those people, who deserved none of my life. None of my energy.

So, I set a challenge for myself.

I decided I had to start telling new stories. Edit the old stories that were playing on repeat in my mind and instead tell myself stories that made me feel loved, inspired, worthy.

I started calling it my Worthiness Project.

As part of my journaling every day, I told myself new stories. I challenged myself to tell a new story every day, no repeats. I had to find something good, something I believed about myself, and write it down.

Something about writing it makes it feel more real.

I did this for weeks. Heck — if I’m having a bad day, I still do it!

But at that time, I did it for weeks on end. And slowly, my brain started to remember the new stories, and let go of the old. All those habitual stories I used to tell were slowly replaced, and the way I felt started to shift, too.

I felt more confident. I felt free. I felt like my worth wasn’t contingent upon other things.

And as I started to believe it, it seemed like other people started to believe it about me, too. Because I was showing up with a different confidence, a different energy. New opportunities were offered to me. I learned and grew and made mistakes as I tried new things, but I didn’t let those mistakes hold me back the way they used to. They weren’t scary the way they used to be, when a mistake meant that I was a mistake, a failure meant that I was a failure.

And all of it shifted because I changed the stories I was telling myself.

I’d like to share one of those stories with you. I wrote this in the midst of my Worthiness Project, three years ago now. I still refer back to it and read it when I need a reminder.

I am worthy.

On my own, without doing extra.

Who I am in my heart, that scared little child inside of me.

I am worthy.

I am worthy because I am made of the same stuff as the trees and the stars and the sea.

I am worthy because life is inherently precious, and I am so alive.

I am worthy, because humans are allowed to try and fail and try again.

I am worthy, because my imperfection, my talents, my mind, and my body make up a full and complete person -- like no one else who has ever existed.

And how beautiful is that, to be flawed and alive and vibrantly human.

I am worthy.